Grossmorder University

Grossmorder University


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Sources neededGrossmorder University is a private, coeducational research university in Perdition’s Crossing, Ohio.  TheGrossmorder University university’s long history, far-reaching influence and consistently high standards have made it one of the leading centers of higher learning in America.[1]

Grossmorder enrolls approximately 2500 undergraduate students, 1000 in graduate programs, and 3000 in advanced degree programs[2]  , with a male to female ratio of approximately 1:1.  Students enroll from more than 25 states and 15 countries. Grossmorder has more than 60,000 living alumni registered from around the world.[3] 

Grossmorder has been consistently ranked as one of the top universities in North America and is categorized as a "Sterling Center", a prestigious classification of post graduate facilities worldwide.[4]

History and Profile [edit]


Grossmorder was founded in 1803 by Edgar Helmut Wolfgang von Grossmorder III[5]  as "a place where gentlepersons could be educated to the highest standards with equal facility and opportunity, where science and the humanities would receive equal attention, and where distinctions of race, color creed and gender would be nonexistent." In 1873, Gramary College of Salem, Ohio merged with Grossmorder, moving faculty to the Grossmorder campus and abandoning the Salem campus.[6]

The University has never been affiliated with any religious denomination, and has always maintained a strict policy of broadminded religious tolerance.  Grossmorder University was invited into the Association of American Universities in 1901.[7]

The University’s motto is “EX TENEBRARUM, OMNES EST ILLUMINATI” and translates to “From the darkness, everything is illuminated”.  A recent revamp of the official marketing logo also includes the phrase “There’s Magic in Education”.

Endowment [edit]


The Grossmorder endowment is believed to have been one of the largest of its time.  Mr. Grossmorder left the bulk of his sizable estate in a private trust to be administered for the benefit of the endowment.  Although exact figures regarding the trust are unavailable it is believed that cagey management by a series of fiscal officers has significantly increased the funds available, currently perhaps even rivalling that of Harvard University.[8]   What is known is that neither grants nor scholarships have suffered over the years.  Even the Great Depression and the economic downturn of 2008-2009 had little impact on the endowment.[9]

Campus [edit]


While the student population is relatively small, the campus itself is a sprawling, 225 acre property, centered on the former Grossmorder Estate and encompassing the original Fort Kinnitaugwa encampment (now a North American Historical Preserve).[10]  It encompasses numerous academic, historic and ancillary buildings, as well as parks, athletic fields and dormitories.

Of special note is the original Grossmorder Greathouse, which was converted in 1925 to accommodate the prestigious Grossmorder University Historical Library (which is separate from the main campus library) and its Grossmorder Greathouseextensive collection of magical and occult texts and paraphernalia.  The Historical Library’s collection is said to be second only to that of Miskatonic University in Arkham, Massachussets.  It contains numerous rare and valuable manuscripts,[11including what is believed to be the most comprehensive copy of The Compleate Hande Booke of Folke-lore, Mystycism, Arcanea and Leadgerdemaine in the Sevene Knowen Universii in existence, a first edition Unaussprechlichen Kulten by Juntz, an early copy of Ars Magna, Generalis et Ultima by Lully, the Osterhagen Remnants, one of the few known copies of Cultes des Goules by the Comte d'Erlette, the infamous Bog af Besværgelser Dårlig Ulv-Strandenand (the heretical psalter of the monks of Skyggeåndens Kirke) and a rare, unexpurgated manuscript of The Canticles of Routhe.

Each of the twelve separate academic units which compromise the University is housed in its own building.  The buildings, located in the Shade’s Hollow area of the campus, were constructed in 1976 after a fire ravaged several of the original campus structures.[11

Academia [edit]


The academic units at Grossmorder University are as follows:

  1.  The College of Science and Technology – housed in the Gilderoy Auditorium
  2.  The College of Fine and Applied Arts – housed in the Canterville Imaginarium
  3.  The College of Business and Commerce – housed in the Kinnitaugwa Forum
  4.  The College of Jurisprudence and Legal Conduct – housed in the J. Paul deJure Memorial Archive
  5.  The College of Medical and Dental Arts (affiliated with NEOUCOM) – housed in the Barnabas Levi Zebub Memorial Nosocomium
  6.  The College of Communication and Media Arts – housed in the Ahriman Salon
  7.  The College of Agriculture and Agronomy – housed in the Grange
  8.  The College of Logic, Philosophy and Theology – housed in Goetic Hall
  9.  The College of Theatrics and the Musical Arts – housed in the Saraband Salon
  10.  The College of Teaching and Education -  Housed in the Johanna Mansfield Sullivan Macy Memorial Conservatory
  11.  The College of Anthropology and Archeology – Henry Walton Jones Memorial Library
  12.  The College of Literary Arts – housed in the E. A. Poe Memorial Auditorium

Athletics [edit]


Grossmorder school colors are purple and red and it competes in the Ohio Athletic Conference and NCAA Division III athletics. The teams are nicknamed Red Devils, and the school's mascot is GUblin, a huge, hilariously shambling red and purple goblin.[11Grossmorder sponsors various men's and women’s varsity teams, including baseball, basketball, cross-country, football, golf, track & field, soccer, swimming & diving, tennis and wrestling.

The university also sports its own bowling alley and intramural bowling league, as well as intramural leagues of, dodgeball, ultimate frisbee, frisbee golf, men's basketball, women's basketball, softball, badminton, Basque pelota, and roque.[11

Student Life [edit]


Grossmorder's communications students run the school's radio station, 96.6 WODD ("the Aetheric Voice of Grossmorder"), the campus paper The Schism ("A Voice in the Darkness since 1850") and the University’s daily blog (“Out of the Darkenss…”).

Students at Grossmorder University often avail themselves of either the music or theatre programs. Many types of bands and choirs are offered, as well as a number of seasonal theatrical productions.

Students can also pledge to one of the fraternities or sororities with chapters at the institution:

Women's sororities
  • Theta Theta (Delta chapter)
  • Omega Mu (Alpha Omega chapter)
  • Eta Hiss Hiss (Medusa chapter)
  • Zeta Alpha Zeta (Omega chapter)
Men's fraternities

 

  • Delta Tau Chi (Delta chapter)
  • Omega Theta Pi (Alpha Omega chapter)
  • Sigma Chi Psi (Beta Niaobe chapter)
  • Epsilon Rho Rho (Epsilon chapter)
Honor societies

 

  • Thigh Mega Tampon (Medical) (local chapter)
  • Psi Phi Zeta (Law) (Omicron chapter)
  • Theta Beta Beta Tau (Anthropology) (local chapter)

Myth, Rumor and Conjecture [edit]


As with all long established institutions, various stories and myths have come to be associated with Grossmorder University.  The most prominent of these is undeniably the dormitory fright night story wherein an unruly undergraduate parties heartily late into an October night.  He staggers home in a highly intoxicated state, but is still cognizant enough to realize that his studious roommate has probably been asleep for some time.  Not wanting to wake him, he stumbles blearily to bed without turning on the lights in his dorm room.  He awakens very late the next day, and is surprised to discover his roommate is also still apparently asleep.  Dragging himself out of bed intending to harass his roommate mercilessly, he is appalled to discover that the boy has been brutally murdered in the night, and, scrawled above his bed in his roommate’s blood is the message, “Aren’t you glad you didn’t turn on the lights?”[citation needed]

Another revolves around the ‘Lady of the House’, a ghostly apparition (known locally as a haint) said to inhabit the Greathouse.[citation needed]  Alleged to be the revenant of Moroaica Canterville Grossmorder, wife of Edgar Grossmorder and an alleged witch.[citation needed]

A third alleges that there is a 13th academic unit at Grossmorder University, a secret college that instructs specially recruited students in the lost arts of magic and legerdemain.[citation needed]  The spurious myth of the so-called ‘College of Arcane and Eldritch Arts’ is obviously an attempt to explain the reason behind the University’s extensive collection of magical and occult texts and paraphernalia, one which ignores the much more logical explanation that the artifacts were collected strictly for their historical and anthropological relevance.

A final myth seeks to explain the cause of the infamous 1976 fire that swept across the campus, destroying or damaging many campus structures.  Local legend states that the fire, which started on October 31st, 1976, resulted from a Halloween prank gone wrong.  Allegedly, during a particularly dry autumn, a number of students travelled around campus smashing the jack-o-lanterns left out my others.  The candle in one of the smashed pumpkins didn’t go out, and rolled into a pile of dry leaves, which ignited and quickly spread across campus, assisted by an unseasonably vigorous wind.[citation needed]

References [edit]


1International Compendium of Academic and Educational Facilities”, 115th Edition Online. Retrieved 2013-10-31
2^ ibid.
3“The Historical Registry of Grossmorder University”, Grossmorder University official website, retrieved 2014-07-31.
4“The Sterling Center Awards of Merit”, Sterling Center of Educational Excellence official website, retrieved 02/14/14.
5Ohio History Online
6Teachum, N. Wheip, (1956) “A Brief History of Northern Ohio Universities”, Learned Scholars Press, pp 113
7Association of American Universities official website. Retrieved 1901-10-31.
8"Grossmorder University". US News and World Report. 2013. Retrieved 2013-10-31.
9^ ibid.
10North American Historical Preserves official website. Retrieved 2014-12-25.
11Grossmorder University Historical Library website.  Retrieved 2006-06-06.
12 "A History of Grossmorder University and Perdition’s Crossing". Grossmorder University official website. Retrieved 22 February 2013.
13Moose, Bullwinkle J., Professor (1982) "A Gazetteer of Collegiate Mascots and Their Origins".  University of Wossamotta Scolastic Press, pp. Something we hope you'll really like!
14"Athletics Do a (Student) Body Good", Grossmorder University official website, retrieved 2014-07-31.

Grossmorder University

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